At one point I told the Lord that I would do His will no matter what it was if He would give me the grace to do it. I did not want to live under the condemnation that I was not doing all I could to save souls from Hell.

I noticed that those who were advising me to burn out for Christ were living fairly comfortable lives. They were not crawling over the mountains in Thailand and collapsing in a rice paddy. But that didn't matter. If what they were saying was correct, I was on my way to Tibet wearing only a sweater. I was determined to burn out for Christ.

Soon afterward a conviction began growing in my soul that God knew what He was doing and was able to do something about all these souls who were sliding down the chute into the flames of Hell. I began to ponder the heretical concept that if I just listened to the Lord He would tell me what to do, and if I did exactly what God told me to do, the responsibility for all these Hell-bound souls was on His shoulders, not on mine.

The church leaders were telling me that the responsibility was mine to just go forth and "do something for Christ."

My inner consciousness was advising me to rest in God and wait until I knew what He wanted me to do. I was really torn up about this, debating whether I should trust all these experienced Christians or my inner persuasion.

During this time I attended a missionary conference. At the end, when the call was given, I went forward determined to burn out for Christ. As I knelt at the altar I suddenly realized that the Lord was going to speak to me. I expected a lengthy exhortation to arise and go forth to save souls from Hell. Instead the Lord just said three words: "I love you."

Can you imagine the impact of that! No great commission to rescue souls from Hell. In fact, the Lord did not even seem to be in a rush. The King's business was not requiring haste, apparently. No charge to save the world! No commission! No rebuke! No concern over the billions of people sliding into Hell!

Eventually I realized I was going to have to make a decision. Either I was going to rest in God and trust Him to lead me, or else I was going to labor under this feeling of guilt that I was not doing enough for Christ.

My wife's sister used to take a long time eating. Her parents would say, "Alice, hurry up and finish your food." Alice would continue to eat just as slowly, but she would wiggle her foot. She would say, "I am hurrying."

This was the way I felt. I really wasn't doing anything about saving souls from Hell, but I was hurrying nevertheless.

I knew I could not live by the opinions of others. So I decided to put the ball in God's court. I said, "I will do Your will by Your grace when You show me what to do. The rest is up to You."

To be continued.