The problem is not that I am unable to do what is at hand, it is about what the condition might mean some day out there in the future.

The church is in good hands. My wife, Audrey, is well able to take care of the administrative details. The preaching and teaching are performed by younger men who have been trained under me, who can preach and teach the Kingdom of God better than I.

We have plenty of food, the rent is paid, and there are no demands being made on me. I can read, sleep, work at the computer (as I am doing now) or do whatever else I feel like and have the strength for.

I am not in pain, just tired. So any problem I have comes from worrying about the future.

Right now, this very minute, there is no problem.

What does the Lord say? "All there is, is now."

I have heard it said that much of the physical pain we suffer comes from our anticipation of the pain. Perhaps this is true.

What I have been reciting is the down side of what is going on. The up side is marvelous. The Lord is teaching me about the meaning of "I Am." At least, I think it's the Lord. You be the judge.

Christ wants to be our life. He wants to be expressed through us. This oneness is not so we will have more power or a more successful ministry, or have our prayers answered, or be exalted, or for any other carnal reason that one hears today. It is God's love that results in the total union of God and Christ and it is Christ's love that seeks the total union of us and Himself. The Divine love and the resulting union are not a means to some religious end. They are the end! When the Lord in His goodness revealed that to me some years ago it transformed the way I view the Scriptures.

The Hound of Heaven does not stop seeking us when we "take the four steps of salvation." The Divine love is always knocking on the door of our personality, asking for entrance. When we are worrying about the future or caught up in the activities of the world we cannot hear Him. But when we hear Him and let Him in we dine with Him and He with us.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. (Revelation 3:20—NIV)

I know what we eat when we are dining with Christ. We eat His flesh and drink His blood.

I do not know what He eats and drinks when He enters our personality, unless the verse means He rejoices over and is nourished by our willingness to surrender every detail of our personality to Him. Perhaps He takes nourishment from the enlarging of what He Is.

This sort of thing seems to be expressed in the following verse:

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. (Song of Solomon 5:1—NIV)

To be continued.